


Overdrive

by BloodyAbattoir



Series: Your Reality Is A Nightmare [28]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anorexia, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 21:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21204704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyAbattoir/pseuds/BloodyAbattoir
Summary: A wise anorexic once told me, you can choose to sleep, or choose to eat.





	Overdrive

A wise anorexic once told me that you can choose to eat, or choose to sleep. Of course, this makes perfect logical sense. If you are awake for a long period of time, not only does your body physiologically need more calories to sustain awareness and wakefulness, but it releases chemicals that trigger hunger responses in the body. 

Feel something inside you snap, you aren't losing fast enough, far enough, it's not enough. Scream silently, rip yourself apart from the inside out and the outside in, nothing you do is ever enough, you are a failure wrapped in human skin. You can't do this the healthy way, there's no way that you can make everything perfect in less than three weeks, you've let yourself go for too long, you can't possibly come back from this. Panic mode has struck, you have less than three weeks to fix your entire existence, dig yourself out of debt, dig yourself out from the pit you've put yourself into, down from three months. 

Nearly two months gone, and not a damn thing to show for it, save for slightly better eyebrows, and a wardrobe of gorgeous clothing you don't deserve to wear even if they fit you. You can't pull this off without a fucking miracle. There is no deus ex machina, no god will step in to save you, you've turned your back on them and they've done the same to you. This time, you must save yourself.Salvation comes in the form of pills and powders, ephedrine and cocaine and buproprion and hydroxycut and adderall and anything you can fucking get your hands on to try to undo the sins of years in a matter of months. 

You are not a god, as close as you were, you were never a god, and at this rate, you will never be one, nor will you ever be so close again. They do not love you, they only love you for what they can take from you, what you can give to them. You are nothing and everything all at once, a walking contradiction and a paradox in the flesh. Throw yourself into overdrive, do the best you can with what you have, where you have it, knowing it still isn't good enough, knowing it will never be good enough. 

A wise anorexic once told me that you can choose to eat, or choose to sleep. Today, I choose neither, knowing that I am pitting myself on a crash course with burnout in the worst way possible, and not caring in the least. 


End file.
